Thursday, December 6, 2012

Used To Be

There used to be love
There used to be dear
But now no more
Feeling like the old Now
no more stories
My love is gone already destroyed my heart
You hurt my feelings
Let me go Do not you ask again I believe it's the best for you and me Let passed This love in heart I could not resist for.  I wound up here

Monday, May 14, 2012

The Power Of Love

What is The Power Of Love?

LOVE is a critical for your mind and body as oxygen. It's not negotiable. The more connected you are, the healthier you will be both physically and emotionally. The less connected you are, the more you are at risk.

It is also true that the less love you have, the more depression you are likely to experience in your life. Love is probably the best antidepressant there is because one of the most common sources of depression is feeling unloved. Most depressed people don't love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also are very self-focused, making them less attractive to others and depriving them of opportunities to learn the skills of love.

There is a mythology in our culture that love just happens. As a result, the depressed often sit around passively waiting for someone to love them. But love doesn't work that way. To get love and keep love you have to go out and be active and learn a variety of specific skills.

Most of us get our ideas of love from popular culture. We come to believe that love is something that sweeps us off our feet. But the pop-culture ideal of love consists of unrealistic images created for entertainment, which is one reason so many of us are set up to be depressed. It's part of our national vulnerability, like eating junk food, constantly stimulated by images of instant gratification. We think it is love when it's simply distraction and infatuation.

One consequence is that when we hit real love we become upset and disappointed because there are many things that do not fit the cultural ideal. Some of us get demanding and controlling, wanting someone else to do what we think our ideal of romance should be, without realizing our ideal is misplaced.

It is not only possible but necessary to change one's approach to love to ward off depression. Follow these action strategies to get more of what you want out of life—to love and be loved.

* Recognize the difference between limerance and love. Limerance is the psychological state of deep infatuation. It feels good but rarely lasts. Limerance is that first stage of mad attraction whereby all the hormones are flowing and things feel so right. Limerance lasts, on average, six months. It can progress to love. Love mostly starts out as limerance, but limerance doesn't always evolve into love.
* Know that love is a learned skill, not something that comes from hormones or emotion particularly. Erich Fromm called it "an act of will." If you don't learn the skills of love you virtually guarantee that you will be depressed, not only because you will not be connected enough but because you will have many failure experiences.
* Learn good communication skills. They are a means by which you develop trust and intensify connection. The more you can communicate the less depressed you will be because you will feel known and understood.

There are always core differences between two people, no matter how good or close you are, and if the relationship is going right those differences surface. The issue then is to identify the differences and negotiate them so that they don't distance you or kill the relationship.

You do that by understanding where the other person is coming from, who that person is, and by being able to represent yourself. When the differences are known you must be able to negotiate and compromise on them until you find a common ground that works for both.

* Focus on the other person. Rather than focus on what you are getting and how you are being treated, read your partner's need. What does this person really need for his/her own well-being? This is a very tough skill for people to learn in our narcissistic culture. Of course, you don't lose yourself in the process; you make sure you're also doing enough self-care.
* Help someone else. Depression keeps people so focused on themselves they don't get outside themselves enough to be able to learn to love. The more you can focus on others and learn to respond and meet their needs, the better you are going to do in love.
* Develop the ability to accommodate simultaneous reality. The loved one's reality is as important as your own, and you need to be as aware of it as of your own. What are they really saying, what are they really needing? Depressed people think the only reality is their own depressed reality.
* Actively dispute your internal messages of inadequacy. Sensitivity to rejection is a cardinal feature of depression. As a consequence of low self-esteem, every relationship blip is interpreted far too personally as evidence of inadequacy. Quick to feel rejected by a partner, you then believe it is the treatment you fundamentally deserve. But the rejection really originates in you, and the feelings of inadequacy are the depression speaking.

Recognize that the internal voice is strong but it's not real. Talk back to it. "I'm not really being rejected, this isn't really evidence of inadequacy. I made a mistake." Or "this isn't about me, this is something I just didn't know how to do and now I'll learn." When you reframe the situation to something more adequate, you can act again in an effective way and you can find and keep the love that you need.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Maintain Commitment to Love

Getting married is a happiness. Married require a physical and psychological preparation. married also must be based on genuine affection. Married a noble way of meeting the needs of the individual will live partner. When the couple decided to commit to marry, they have a duty and responsibility of the same, in partnership to keep harmonious relationships throughout his life. The husband and wife (couples) have the same stake in promoting mutual respect, trust, passion, romance, intimacy to keep and maintain a lifelong commitment.

Family Psychologist and Marriage, Ruth Ibrahim said everyone needs life partner. Relationships are created when the noble and the couple agreed commitments, with a sense of respect, trust and have a love triangle. Sternberg says couples need passion, intimacy and commitment.

To that end, said Ruth, couples need to have love, priorities, and communication. "Passion can fade, so there was no intimacy. For example, did not feel anything at the moment see the husband, or when he heard his wife's name is called, when it's like this is difficult to keep the commitment. Moreover, with limited time to build relationships," said Ruth as a talk on the sidelines of the launch of the campaign "Sariwangi joy, warm your evening!" In Jakarta, Wednesday (02/01/2012).

Do not underestimate the communication
One way to encourage the return of a relationship like this (the loss of passion and intimacy), is a romance. How, you and he should try to recreate the romance in this relationship. Presenting love in a relationship should be assisted with communications and make your partner a priority.

"Communication" is important to keep the romance, because we are not being telepathic. Love must be disclosed to create romance. And make it your priority is your own true partner, "suggested Ruth.

Couples communication linkage is built from the heart, a disconnected conversation, relaxed atmosphere which was created together. All these things need to be pursued by you and him. Although busy, spend some time together to foster togetherness, romance and intimacy is what ultimately strengthen the couples relationship commitment. "With intimqasi, relationships will be more solid and stronger," explains Ruth said, as the tip of the spear tal communication must always be verbal but also with body language.

According ratih, communication with a partner can be done anytime. During the morning in the midst of undergoing routine tasks and prepared at home and at work, effective communication can be done to maintain intimacy. Just to say "I Love You" to the couple while getting ready for work, for example. More communication can lead to romantic couples do at night before bed. Although tired after the move, a time when alone at night. "Warm atmosphere with a glass of hot chocolate or tea, to start creating intimacy," he advised.

Variety of ways you can choose to maintain the quality of couples relationships. The key, awareness and a strong desire from within, both the husband and wife, to seek communication, intimacy, and ultimately strengthen our commitment to lasting and harmonious marriage for years.

Hopefully this article can be useful for readers, especially those who are preparing the ship sailed marriage, so as not to wander blindly in the middle of the road. Aamiin.

How To Be The Happy Couple?

Any married couples must have longed for a partner who is happy / Happy Couple. Is not it??. Couples who are happy to know that the real relationship begins when the honeymoon period is over. Unless you keep the garden of love, the beauty will fade and die.

Therefore, keep your love park in order to create harmonious household and you'll get a beauty in home life. You can try the following 10 tips are a happily married couple:

A. Leaving Sleep Together.
The move may seem trivial, perhaps even escaped your attention. But according to Dr. Mark Goulston in the book The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship, it is one key to happiness of husband and wife. Sure it's easy, but sometimes it is hard to do. Goulston advise you to always remember the early days of marriage. At that time, did you not wait to be alone in bed?. According to him, the happy couple refused to go to bed alone. If it gets built it together was not a problem. So even during a fight. Get used to it goes to sleep together though did not speak. Try to keep your hands or feet touched. And avoid the back-ridge, because it will keep you both.

2. Equate interest.
Do not downplay the activities you can do with your partner. If you do not have, according to Goulston, happy couples are usually working on it. But at the same time, still maintain your personal interest. That way you will be more like your partner without becoming dependent.

3. Hand in the street.
The happy couple will feel comfortable holding hands or walking side by side, rather than the one in front, one behind the looking back. It was indeed strange to the unusual. Awkward indeed, you may be ashamed to show affection in public. For that alone tepis shame, yet he is your lawful spouse. Try it!. Once you are definitely going to try transmissivity. And feel the sensation. Your heart feels both more closely.

4. Find the Positive Side.
Goulston advise you not to find fault with your partner. Concentrate on what it does is right, not on the wrong. It is easy for you to find things wrong that he did. You also can always find the same thing is true. If both of them easy, why do not you find the right thing. Because it will help you build a harmonious household. Goulston said, the happy couple prefers the positive side.

5. Forgive each other
That's also part you should look. Households with no confidence, the same as climbing disaster. So, create trust and forgiveness as a standard grip in your relationship. Goulston said, if the happy couple quarrel or disagree, and could not finish, they will give priority to trust and forgive one another, rather than mistrust and without mercy. "The security talks about inner peace. A husband can feel it when he knew her to trust him and his commitment to their marriage, "said David and Teresa Ferguson in his book * More Than Married *. While a sense of security that may be perceived wife, when her husband came to help him out of fear through words of encouragement that calm and loving. Commitment to a partner can be communicated through the support of true and sincere praise.

6. Hugging each other.
Embrace each other as soon as the meeting after work. Our skin, he said. Goulston, have a memory about 'good touch' (love), 'bad touch' (harassment) and the 'no touch' (denial). The couple who met while maintaining memory means immediately hugged her skin with 'good touch' and gives warmth.

7. Said Love.
Do not hesitate to say love in your partner. Express it, "I love you" or other form of attention, for example by saying, "Okay yes" in the morning. That is a great way to get the patience and tolerance to face the outside world are irregular and chaotic. In addition, to convince your partner that you love him, also a form of attention.

8. Say Salam.
One more word that is sometimes forgotten is the greeting you at bedtime. Say "Good night darling" every night before bed. Even be more impressive if coupled with a kiss. It should be a routine you do every night, whatever your condition. No matter how you feel. By Goulston, it will remind your partner that no matter how angry you still want to be with. That is, what you both have more significant than the fury of the day.

9. Reading the Heart.
Read your partner's weather at any time. Try to talk to him on the sidelines of busy work, so you can adjust to the mood after the meeting. Of course it is to avoid conflicts that might occur. It hurt, resentment, and needs that can not be fulfilled, are things that are inevitable in any close relationship. Even after the honeymoon, things that happen in everyday life can bring-aggravation aggravation. Yes, marriage is not perfect two persons who are determined to be in the proximity of a permanent one. Naturally, if the conflict arises. David and Teresa Ferguson in his book * More Than Married * say do not ever think that could have an intimate relationship without conflict. But the true conflict resolution efforts to increase intimacy and bring peace in the marriage. Why?, "Because it makes the husband and wife both feel safe," they said.

10. Together proud.
You should feel proud to be seen with your partner. That would be her happiest. Happy happy couples together. According Goulston is usually indicated by the touch of a sign of affection between them. For example, holding hands, hug, hug, caress. "It's not like showing off, but just wanted to say that they have each other," he said.

Hopefully this article can be useful for readers who already have a loyal partner / married and also add insight to the readers who will enter the gates of marriage. Hopefully happy and lasting always. Aamiin.

Choosing The Right Partner In love

Choosing a partner is not an easy thing, because it takes patience for it. In choosing a partner in life, both for men and women both have the right to choose the most appropriate as a partner.

However, other meanings such as compatibility, also a meaning that can not be denied, thus the process of choosing it can be done by men and women. On the other hand that choosing a life partner by considering the various sides, provided that the reasonable considerations as well as Islamic, representation is a necessity of life and the freedom of God which He bestowed to every human being, including in choosing a husband or wife. Ayesha Ra said, "Marriage is essentially slavery, then he should see where his honor will be placed"
Prophet also said, "He who match his honor with the wicked man he had cut her womb" (Reported by Ibn Hibban). The Prophet also gave consideration to a sahabiyah who came to him as he asked for consideration of the two people who would propose, then the Prophet said, "Muawiya bin Abi Sufyan As he was very light hand (aka easy to hit), while the other is that poor people do not have a lot of treasure. "Then the Prophet married her with Zaid bin Harithah.

And to strengthen the selection, especially of the various alternatives should perform well istikhorah prayers at midnight and in the beginning, and do it many times. If it had done so many times that there is consistency that Insha Allah is His guidance, and that more followed. But remember, that the information is dominant in a person is often more influential on istikhorah, therefore it needs to be done many times. And to distinguish whether it is the dominant decision or domination istikharah tastes just a little hard, but with many times, though one of the signs that it is the guidance of Allah is dimudahkannya affairs, but it is not the only absolute addresses.

Hopefully this article can be useful, especially for those readers who are in the process of finding her soul mate.  Aamiin Ya Robbal Alamin.